Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Oops, I did it again.

So Jenny at Mamadrama wanted to know about some really ridiculous way that we have injured ourselves. I dutifully posted the story about puncturing my chin at age 7. What I didn't tell her is that for years my sister Meander insisted that my mom wouldn't take me to the hospital because she was embarrassed about what I was wearing. Hey Meander, now that you're a mom, do you really think that mom didn't take her little girl (who was bleeding profusely from the chin) to the hospital because her clothes didn't match?!
Oops, sorry tangent.
The thing is that most of my really embarrassing injuries happened when I was a kid.
Um. . .wait, that would be true, were it not for my husband. Now don't get me wrong he never physically does anything to hurt me; he's an inciter. He encourages really stupid behavior on my part while remaining safe on the side lines.
Take for instance the time we went on a beaver hunt on my mom's farm. Honestly that's not code. There is a beaver on my mom's farm eating all her trees and we were looking for it.
So it was a 50 degree day in February (which seems warm in Illinois). I thought I saw a hint of a dam so I walked closer to the lake. There was a log from one side to the other about five or six feet above the water.
Me: If I go out a little on that log I could see a little better.
Mr. H.: Yeah that's a good idea.
Me: I don't know, maybe that's stupid.
Mr. H.: No, you could totally make it all the way across. Didn't you used to do gymnastics or something?
Me: Yeah, I bet I could make it.
Mr. H.: You really could.
Me: I don't know. What if I fall?
Mr. H.: You won't fall. I bet you could make it all the way across.
Me: Should I crawl?
Mr. H.: Why?
Me: You're right, I should do it.
Mr. H.: Absolutely.
Then I walk out on the log. Halfway across I fall in, jeans, shoes, socks, and big wool pea coat (luckily I had given Mr. H. the contents of my pockets) and all. Right into the ice cold water. I didn't get hurt, just cold. There was this really beautiful movie moment where I just kept going down and down with my legs and arms spread wide. The light was shining in rays through the water and you could see all the water plants. That's the part where the hero's hand reaches in and pulls the schmuck from the water (ala Sam and Bilbo at the end of LOTR The Fellowship of the Ring). Only my hero can't swim, and I was on the swim team in high school. So I kicked my own ass to the surface and walked the mile back to the house in super-cold, soaking-wet clothes while Mr. H. laughed his ass off at me.
Mr. H.: Hahahahaha I totally KNEW you'd fall!


Meander said...

Hmm...yes, thank God for motherhood since I apparently I was a bumbling and cruel idiot for the other thirty one years of my life.

Jenny said...


That was...terrible. And fabulous.