Status Update

Honestly I don't know what to say. I keep starting posts and not finishing them. Spending endless days with my kids is great. I really enjoy watching the physical progress they've made. I guess I've never realized how little actually happens at daycare. Now that they have the time to really play, they're suddenly very athletic.
I rode my bike with Boy the other day and really had to work to keep up. It's unfathomable to think that in April he couldn't ride more than 20 feet.
Girl, who wouldn't go under water two weeks ago, is now diving into the pool. She doesn't know she's diving though which is pretty hilarious because you'll ask her to dive and she will say she's afraid but then she'll stand on the top step of the pool arms wide and let herself fall face first into the water.
She's also super tan. More tan than I think anyone in my family ever gets. I'd say she doesn't get it from Mr. Hobbitfeet either because he's paler than a ghost; however, he doesn't log the outside hours that we do, so it is possible. Trust me, I am a big spaz about sunscreen, especially since being outside started giving me hives. We all put on 50 + spf sun screen and continue to put it on all day long but she still has that deep tan.
Believe it or not we only have about three weeks left in our summer vacation. We register Boy for school Friday morning.

I'm That Mom

I swam in high school. Swimming is hard, mostly because nobody gives a shit. Nobody came to just watch meets like they do for baseball or football.
So now that Boy is swimming, we go to the meets and the parents cheer while their kid is swimming until 1st, 2nd, or 3rd place is decided then they stop. Than that little kid who is trying so hard, but is a whole pool length behind everyone else is alone in the pool just trying to finish.
I hate it. Not even his or her parents are cheering like they're afraid to acknowledge that their kid lost the race.

So there I am, standing at the starting blocks because I let myself be talked into volunteering, and I cheer. I cheer loud because it's hard to hear when you're swimming. I hear myself, shouting and cheering and I hate it because not even the coach is cheering but I can't stand the thought that that kid is swimming in silence.

So I've become that mom and I'm sure I am mortifying my 11 year-old but I don't think I care all that much.

Success!

So several months ago, when I decided to be home this summer, I told my son that he was going to take up a sport. Unlike his Taekwondo, he would be expected to actually compete against others in this sport, and tough toenails if he didn't like it. Life is about competition and you need to challenge yourself.

Boy responded to this the same way he does everything, "eep!"

So he has been getting up early Monday-Saturday to participate on our town's swim team. I think at first he hated it. Although he loves swimming, he's more about playing than swimming back and forth. His first day back from vacation he hated me, hated swimming and wanted to quit.

That said, yesterday Boy kicked ASS at yesterday's swim meet. He placed in all six events that he swam in and LOVES swimming.

Just another instance of why it pays to make Boy do stuff he is afraid of.

Oh, and also the opposing team was called the Nadiators and their caps inexplicably had the word "Nads" written across them. What were the team parents thinking of? Did they really, really not notice? I couldn't stop snickering and Mr. Hobbitfeet kept chanting, "Go! Nads! Go! Nads!" under his breath. Plus, 95% of the people wearing the caps were girls!

P.S.-This picture is not from his ass-kicking meet this is from the week before because before we left yesterday, I decided I would only end up with the same pictures as last week and didn't bring my camera (which is why there are no pictures of the Nad caps).

Pool Rules . . .

. . . That My Husband and I Have Made That May Seem Odd to Those Outside My Family:

1. You must jump into the pool at least twice every time we go to the pool.
2. You must go down the slide at least twice every time we go to the pool.
3. No nipple pinching
4. You have to get you're hair wet
5. You have to run under a mushroom at least once every time we go to the pool.


Because who needs sensible rules like no running?

True Tales of the Pool and More

Riding your bike to the pool seems like a good idea on the way there, but after spending four hours at the pool, it sucks. This is why: heavy wet towels and an overtired 4 year old, who wants to stay at the pool, make the bike trailer a million times heavier than when you came, and, hello, you just chased your kids around a pool for four hours, and not the good part that is warm and keeps you buoyant, but the crappy part that is ice cold, only comes up to your ankles and has various sprayers and buckets dumping really cold water on your head at random intervals.
I keep breaking out in hives when I am out in the sun. The only thing that prevents this is slathering on a very high SPF sunscreen every 20 mins. I'll be using a lot of sunscreen this summer.
I somehow melted my eye today when I accidentally got a sunscreen and chlorine combo in my eye. Even now after repeated risings, I am considering an eye patch, but then I'd have to get a parrot and a hook, and that seems like a lot of work.
On the kids side of things, Girl's been having an awesome time because her BFF, Gracie, was at the pool the last two times we went. Consequently, I have been able to talk to a grown-up who wasn't my husband, and that's been kind of nice.
Boy announced today that he lost seven pounds since Monday. I guess that's what happens when you do nothing but swim, tumble, bike ride, and do Taekwondo all day. Maybe I should sign up for his diet plan. Also, he wants you to know he has new glasses, which he thinks are more fashionable, and are NOT Harry Potter glasses (unlike his last pair which I made as Harry Potter-like as possible). Because there are things Boy wants everyone to understand that 1.) his hair is not black, 2.) his last name is not ironic, and 3.) he does not (under any circumstances) resemble Harry Potter. Keep that in mind.

Mr. Hanky Doesn't Just Come at Christmas!

Boy started swim team last week. For the first three weeks the swim team practices in the indoor pool at the university in our tiny town. Today, halfway through practice, someone discovered poop in the lane the rookies swim in. The lane that, since it's his first year, Boy swims in. They suspect the culprit to be one of the six year-olds, but who knows. We're not sure if they will be allowed back in.
Boy was skeeved out. He came home and showered, then I had to listen to a diatribe about the scientific ramifications of fecal matter, and a report of who in his class washes his hands after bathroom use.

All together there was too much poop in my conversations today.

I Hate the Public Pool! or Give Me Back My Goggles!

We have been spending a lot of time at the public pool. A. LOT. OF. TIME. The only day we didn't go this week was Thursday. Let me tell you something about our public pool: the weekday crowd is SOOOOOO much better than the weekend crowd!
On the week days, the parents are nice, the lifeguards are attentive, and although there are a few too many tweens and teens there sans parents, in general they are kept under control.
But on the weekends, ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE.
First off, it's crowded. Like wall to wall kids, and NONE of them are supervised. The ones who are being supervised, are being supervised by idiots who don't care what the hell they do.
Take for instance the horrible child that was there for no more than 60 seconds and stole Girl's goggles. They were very distinct. They had a pink strap, purple hearts around the eyes and Ariel from The Little Mermaid in one corner. A girl picked them up from the side of the pool. Now I will say that she was a big girl. Older than Girl by several years, and very overweight. The goggles were too small for her by a long shot. When I asked her nicely about the goggles she lied to my face and said they were hers. Now one only had to see how freaking tiny those goggles were on that little girls head to know that they weren't hers. The eyes didn't even match up with her eyes.
Later during a lifeguard break the girl and her mom were sitting next to us so Mr. Hobbitfeet asked her if those were hers because our daughter lost hers. The girl shook her head, and after looking at her daughter for a minute, the mom looked at Mr. H. and lied "Oh no, she got those from her bag." Even though we knew she hadn't. But we couldn't prove it, having been too stupid to put Girl's name in them, and the girl wore them around her neck the rest of the day, not giving us a chance to take them back.
I know that they were maybe two dollars, but that is not what I cared about, the girl stole them, and her mother, who should have known better backed her up.
Another example of evil brats and inattentive parents was when I was sitting in the shallows of the splash pool with my 1 year-old step-niece who was happily gnawing a rubber fish that she had brought to the pool, a little boy (maybe two, with no parent in sight) took the fish right out of her hands. When I told him that it was hers and he needed to give it back, he whipped it at her, splashing her in the face and beginning an afternoon of crabbiness.
Also there were a couple of teenagers that kept swimming into the lap lanes cutting me off while I was doing laps, and the lifeguards did nothing. They were maybe fourteen and when I told them for the second time that the lanes were for laps, one of the little brats told me "yeah yeah we KNOW Bitch!" Maybe if I dunked her sorry butt then the lifeguard would have paid attention.
So, even though our kids had a bunch of fun, Mr. H. and I are trying to work out how to only go to the pool on weekdays, and leave the weekends to the assholes without getting out kids mad at us. Any suggestions?

P.S. I did have a lot of fun laughing at the teenage girls trying SO HARD to look sexy in bikinis (even if they were too big). While I took Girl to the bathroom, I saw this one girl who was wearing a string bikini top with boy's trunks and kept looking at herself in the mirror and saying stuff like "enuh (like a yummy noise)" and "Damn (like she was super-hot)" and grabbing her boobs and butt (which I'm not sure had sprouted yet). Or the 15-year-old wearing a bikini and flip flop platforms so high she couldn't walk and TOWERED over all the boys her age at the pool.

"When Days Are Hot..."

So you saw in my last post that Little D paid a visit for Memorial Day Weekend, but I know that you are on the edge of your seat wondering what else we did.

I am a Pisces. So much so that I want to swim all of the time, even in February. My kids are as water-logged as I am. Even my husband, who couldn't swim before he met me, has become a little waterbug. So guess what we did.

That's right, we swam. You're smart.

Mr. Hobbitfeet and Girl got a jump on the game by taking a dip in my mom's pond on Sunday. The fact that the water is still a bit on the chilly side didn't stop them at all, nor did not having suits. My exhibitionist daughter went skinny dipping, and Daddy swam in his boxers. The truth is, Mr. H had no desire to swim, but what Daddy's girl wants, Daddy's girl gets.

Then on Monday, after going out for a breakfast, in which Boy ate 3/4 of an ENORMOUS ham and cheese omelet, we headed to the public pool, where we stayed for the next four hours. Do you think my kids were grateful? Nope! Not long after we got home, both had minor fits. Girl's was because she wanted to stay at the pool, and Boy's was because he thought everyone was unfair only to him. Not long after our early dinner, both whined the epitaph hated by all moms: "I'm having a BAD day!"

Give me a break! What had we done that day that hadn't been designed for ultimate kid enjoyment?

To be fair, I will admit that within ten minutes of each of them telling us that, they were both sound asleep. It wasn't even 6:30 p.m.