Friday, April 25, 2008

In Which I Fail at Life

I really feel like life is kicking my ass right now. I've spent a great deal of time working on getting myself organized. The system that the class I was taking is good and bad. It helps a lot when I need to delegate jobs to the rest of the family. I just hand them a stack of cards with jobs for them to do and they get done. For me I think not so much.
Getting organized, for me has stressed me out more than helped. I can no longer look at my messy house and think, "oh well," and do whatever else it is that needs doing. Now I feel like there are a million things piling up and I don't have nearly enough hours in a day to do it.
I think part of it is trying to do everything and have a 20 hour work week added into it. I have been very strict with myself and don't let myself get away with working less than 20 hours, but so far I haven't managed much more than that. What I do manage seems to take up my entire day, when in reality I've only worked five hours total.
In addition to that, I have fallen seriously behind on the housework. Now I lay awake all night thinking of all the things that need doing and can't sleep. Then I want to take a nap, but don't let myself because there is too much to do. Then I think about Girl getting out of school on May 16 and wonder how I'll work at all because she is so damn high maintenance. On Thursdays when she doesn't have school, I can't do anything because she wants to play or do something with me and so comes in every three seconds to ask if I'm done with my work yet. At least if Boy were home, she'd have someone to play with and I'd have a few hours to get somethings done.
Boy won't be out of school until the end of May. Both are out too ridiculously early in my opinion anyway. When we lived in Chicago, the private schools wouldn't be done until at least June 7 and public schools went until nearly the end of school.
I wish I had left well enough alone and skipped the organization class. It says it's easy and it's supposed to be, but I still haven't gotten myself to the easy parts. Although my house is cleaner, I am a lot closer to wanting "to go running for the shelter of my mother's little helper."

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