Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Oh, That's Just The Past Coming To Bite My Ass!

I have to admit that Facebook freaks me out a bit. There you are, playing pointless online games with you friends and your sister, when all of a sudden someone you haven't known since high school sends you a friend request. I admit to doing this to other people to, but it feels weird when others do it to me because of my incredibly low self-esteem.
I transferred away from my first high school after sophomore year. My first high school was big and prestigious (and coed). My second high school was small, isolated, all-girl, and run by wacky nuns that would tell you things like, "Young ladies do not get angry."
I had a lot of fun at my first high school, but felt all muddled-up there. My best friend (who also left after sophomore year) was a bit fucked up. That fucked-upness often splattered on to me and made me even more fucked up than I already was. I don't want to bore the world with things that happened longer ago than should be relevant, but I felt I needed something new. So I transferred to the school that my bestest friend who I had known since preschool was at. Seriously, that's why I picked it. I don't think my mom was thrilled. My dad thought nothing could be better than sending me to what was the 90's equivalent to a convent school.
I had other friends at that first school, but honestly, I felt like I didn't make that much of an impression. So I let it all drift away.
I had a lot of fun at my new school. I met great friends who I still hold very close to my heart. I learned how to be me. It is a good lesson to learn when you're young. My mother would often ask if I was sorry I left the first school, but, even though it wasn't the educational mecca that my first school was, I was glad I went through with it.
Now that these people keep contacting me on Facebook, I feel like a whole bunch of stuff is being dredged up that I thought I had grown past. Now I see that it was all just hiding there. I genuinely want to talk to these people. They were, at one time, my whole world. I think I just enjoyed never having to tell anyone why I left. I guess that sometimes you just have to deal with the past.


jenboglass said...

I can totally relate to this. Every do often I run into old high school friends and I really have no interest in picking back up again where things left off. It's this weird connection with the past.

Woodlandmama said...

Yeah, there's a reason I don't go to my reunions.